I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
