she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
