i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
