Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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