Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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