dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
