i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
