You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize