he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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