It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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