Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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