dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
