I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
