to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
