I think I won the penis lottery.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
