this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
