and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
