My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
