my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
