um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The air taste purple.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
