I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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