I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
