This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
