All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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