is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
