he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
