you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize