i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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