So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
