My hair reeks of homosexuality.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
