What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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