found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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