Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think a kid would responsible me up
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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