Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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