so explain again why im purple
no
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
