I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Found your dick twin last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
