I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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