Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
