You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
