dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
