I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
