but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
