My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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