And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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