Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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