we have officially lost it.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
