next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
