how can u be prego again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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