I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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