if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
