so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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