Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Boobs are out for the taking
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
