wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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