I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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