dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize