Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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