It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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