mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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