Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
