I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
