oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
