my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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