Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
