Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
