I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
