whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
