its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
