who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
