GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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