Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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