You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
