CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
