When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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