it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
