I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
